Ear Fluid Of the Day
Listen to THIS while you READ
Style Juices of the Day
Somebody has to say it:
1. If you are not in a club, in the middle of a live concert, or partially deaf, there is absolutely no reason for you and your friends to be conversing at a level that can be heard two continents over.
Kudos for being the loudest mother f*cker within a ten mile radius (im sure that will come in handy, never), but now allow me to introduce you to your inside voice, which is located on the imaginary bitchslap the rest of us are fantasizing about.
2. Your children are cute. Adorable even... until they pop up out of nowhere like that not-alive, not-dead but not-quite-yet-a-zombie demon child from The Grudge. I cant count how many times i've been out shopping and out pops a screaming mini Lucifer from the clothing rack, scaring the living shit out of me. Like i said your children are cute, but not so much after i've accidentally punched them in the face.
3. Nothing is more uncomfortable then when you accidentally spit on someone. You know, mid-sentence your mouth gets a bit too excited and that mutant drop of spit goes flying outta there, most often hitting the other person dead in the face. They are thinking, "this as*hole just spit on me"... You are thinking. "shit i just spit on this asshole" You completely forget what you were talking about in the first place because you're so caught up thinking about whether you should acknowledge the fact that your saliva just violated this person. Do you mention it? Apologize? I dont know what the protocol is, but i know its awkward as f*ck.
"I dont think i could ever stab someone.
I mean lets be honest,
I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun"
aEia.
Your blog is cool
ReplyDeleteThanks so much! didnt think anyone really read it :)
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